Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
