i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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