dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
