Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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