Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
