after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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