Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
