Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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