we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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