If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
