My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
In America we eat man semen.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
