Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
