Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
