If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
