Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
