Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
