I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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