My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
