it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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