omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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