she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
