So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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