idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
barbara walters just said penis...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
