so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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