the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
