Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
