I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
sick fucks of a feather flock together
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
