I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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