Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
