Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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