i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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