we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
