you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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