four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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