i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i think i have two assholes
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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