Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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