I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
