i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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