i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
