Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
