cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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