so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
