I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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