it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
