The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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