uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
