Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
