She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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