I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
