at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
