I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
