Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
