I hate your face
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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